be strong.

i whined the whole of yesterday.
the whole day. the whole 17 hours i was awake.
and for the 7 hours i was asleep, i was actually tossing and turning, thinking.
about work.
and how things are not quite going perfect. not my job wise (i still love the job - its what i want to do.) but 'outcomes' wise. there are things i have to do that i really dont want to. nobody would want to. even the person who has made the decision would not want to. but it has to be done.

unfortunately, alot has to be done by me and the team. not by the person making the decision or not by the people sitting out of my glass office but me. it is terrible and can make you loose sleep. hence the tossing and turning for 7 hours.

that is when i hear nancy say 'cut off from work nammu - you have to or you will go crazy' and andrew say 'one word - DETACH'.

which is going to be new policy. both of the above. and i recommend this to any person in this world who is in hr or internal recruitment or is seeking a career in the same. bad news is a part of the job. if you are in hr and recruitment - alot of people are going to hate you. people who have been working there for years, people who have just joined the company and people who are yet to join. all you have to do is be strong. and stay strong.

and detach.

growing up

this occurrence can suck. big time. it happens; and no force in the world can stop it from happening. you are forced to pop out of that bubble (i used to call happy food place. to all those of you judging me - i love food. and snubble - with suche. but i dont know if that counts given that its our grown up happy place!) and wake up and smell the coffee - because now, you are officially old enough to drink coffee, and other good stuff. you get out of the phase of not caring about what you are wearing to skinny jeans and peek-a-boo shoes - nice satin ones. and speaking of shoes - you own tons. because now, you are earning your own money, and its ok for you to spend it on whatever you want. like shoes. and you can own 40 pairs like i do - i know. its terrible.

moving on. you grow up. you get a job and you know if you really like it or not. you know who your friends are, get closer to your sister and you want to get closer to your parents. so you might decide that you want to tell them everything. well everything-ish - there are things you should keep quite about for your own good.



like about relationships.
now. for those of you who are not indian, please understand this, as i know it is going to be difficult for you to 'get' this (boo, one being you) - most of us indian girls, DO NOT tell parents about boyfriends right away. because it is stupid. unless you are a 100% sure of which direction things are going in, you do not tell them, because all indian parents think about after that is marriage and how your kids are going to look. i know - kids? already? yes, already - because they want to see thier grandkids before they ' go the house of God' or however it is they phrase the words.

but i wanted to step out of that. im 23. i want to be in that place where i can tell my parents everything-ish and it not be such a flippin big deal. i want them to know im going out with someone so that every time i am going out - i dont have to lie about it. because im 23. not 13 - but 23. so i thought i would surprise my parents, strap on a pair, and tell them. i have a boyfriend. and NO. we are not planning to get married tomorrow, but i dont want to lie to them and hide shit because in the heart of things, that is even more stupid than telling them. this could be it - wedding bells in a couple of years or it could be a big mistake and i would move on.

i was either waiting for them to flip out and go on about how he is not indian and hindu or give me grief about marrying the man right away. they surprised me.

so - in conclusion. i feel good. and happy. and grown up. i still think growing up sucks - given that it makes you come out of happy food place, but there definitely are perks.
did i tell you about the new shoes silver and black shoes i bought?

the trip

there is so much i would like to blog about in regards to the trip. i know i planned to write this whole detailed entry about EVERYTHING - and i mean everything. bit i really cant.

because as it turns out - this trip was a bit of an eye opener which is awesome. i loved it. it made me realize so much about myself. alot of what i was questioning - i found answers.
- i realized i miss my parents when they are not around.
when i was at the flower market, all i thought about was mom and how that would be her definition of heaven. and how evenever i heard a street side musician or a outdoor cafe playing local music, i thought of dad. and how he would immediately think of a hindi song that sounds just like it - and sing it. right there and then. and constantly poke you till you acknowledge the singing.
i know i complain sometimes, about living with them, and how that can be difficult because there is no 100% freedom. but deep down inside i have realized, that really shouldnt be such a big deal. and its not. all you have to do is be honest with them.
- i realized i want to give my sister one of her big long hugs - that i usually cringe away from. and get one of her disgustingly, sloppy kisses. europe just had her name written all over it for me. i remember when she went to europe, she couldnt stop talking about the 'cobbled streets'. initially, i liked listening about it. but then, it got so bloody old - i wanted her to stop talking about it. but now i understand. because i cant stop talking about them.
- i realized just how much love my friends. they are my lifeline. i was scared that we were going to get on each others nerves after spending so much time togehter. we probably did. but at the end of the day - we all knew, deep down inside, we wouldnt have gone on this trip with any other people. well - other than disha. she really should have been there. nancy's sleepy face, nadia's laugh and disha's blunt responses to everything - i really, truly, could not live without all that.
- andrew. i missed him. more than i planned. did that scare me? sure. but thats what made recieveing the phone calls and text messages even better. its nice to know for sure what you are really feeling for someone - and that they care in return.
- i realized that sachin had a part to play in me going on this trip to begin with. (your turn to go "awww" su-che). because he was one of the first people i told about this trip. and he was the first people who said 'find a way and go. you HAVE to go'.
there was no sarcastic 'yea right - we will see when it happens' or negativity. but just a 'you have to go'. thanks su-che.
- i now know, that i dont want to stay in dubai forever. or even for very long. just the next couple of years. there is nothing cultural or artsy fartsy to do here at all. no local music scene, no dancers on the street, no art, no history. just people who want to go, listen to dj and dance (getting drunk in teh process). however, it is a good place to make some money. i mean, lets face the facts. if i was in the states, i would never have been able to afford the car i have, or take this trip. materialistic i know- but sataisfying! this is going to help me plan better.

8 days out of dubai. 8 days of good food, good beer, an occasional joint and immense amouts of fun and i realized so much. so all i have to say is i miss it. only 8 days and i miss it.

the billion cycles in amsterdam.

the 'cobbled' streets of brussels.

the gloomy, pretty, numbered trees and parks of berlin.

i miss it all.

(tathastu)