Moving on.

I didn't quite use this blog to it's best.

And so I figured - for the 3 people who read this, I won't be blog-spotting anymore.

If you are still interested in knowing what's going on in that room I call a brain - let me know. I'm still blogging. Just not here. Didn't quite 'feel' blogspot. Either that or I was too lazy and am making a totally ridiculous statement. I mean, who blames a site right?

This was fun. Thanks for reading - if anyone out there does!

Love,
n. Xx

Sometimes.

Sometimes. Just sometimes - I wish I was someone else.
Some with a pair of balls to say what I need to say.
Sometimes.

Sappy love songs that make you sigh...

"I thought I saw your face. In the evenin' sky. On a lonesome cloud. That was driftin' by.
I wish I could fall. On a night like this. Into your lovin' arms. For a moonlight kiss".

Jeez! I sure can be a sap.

Werid day.

I feel like Dorothy from Jerry Maguire. Please don't ask me why. I just do.

using the summer to conquer any fears i may have - part 2

I went for a motorcycle ride at night.

I love motorcycles. As in how they look, love to watch movies with people going nuts on them, love to watch them drive by. However, I personally don't like sitting on one. The fact that there are no walls scare me a little and it would take a lot for me to get on one. Especially at night. But I did. And it was actually pretty great! Well, except for the part that the driver decided to go nuts and speed up. He almost gave me a heart attack!

And so, going for a motorbike ride at night - check. (June 16th, 12 something AM, Mayan Way, Mankato)

Using the summer to conquer any fears I may have - Part 1

I walked through a ravine in the dark. There were a ton of trees and it was creepy as hell.

And after making it pretty deep in, I got told that 6 years ago, someone was murdered there.

I freaked out but heck I made it through.

And so, walking through a ravine in the dark - check. (June 12th, 12 something AM, Jerrod's backyard).

Faith.

Promise yourself to be so strong that nothing can disturb your peace of mind. Look at the sunny side of everything and make your optimism come true. Think only of the best, work only for the best, and expect only the best. Forget the mistakes of the past and press on to the greater achievements of the future. Give so much time to the improvement of yourself that you have no time to criticize others. Live in the faith that the whole world is on your side so long as you are true to the best that is in you!
- Chrisian D. Larson

Reel life Vs. Real life.

Most people don't appreciate the life they have. They complain, compare and whine. The want more. They want it to be bigger and about so much more than it already is.

Why are we still single? Why don't we have the perfect figure? Why are we so broke? Why aren't men more like McDreamy? Why aren't all love stories like the ones from Hollywood or Bollywood and every other wood? Why don't all men sings songs to us like John Mayer does and why aren't all women hot like Angelia Jolie (I mean not only is the woman hot but she makes the most beautiful babies!)?

Why do we want everything to be so perfect? Is that so that life gets easier? So that we don't have to stress, worry or jump over holes that it leaves as it passes us by? And who decides what's perfect?

Life is grand. It is perfect. It is what you make of it.

Listening to what He says...

"Still your heart in Me. Still yourself in Me, and
without a doubt you shall be united with Me, Lord of Love, dwelling in your heart." - Bhagvad Gita


God says the most amazing things sometimes and He sure is great. He brightens up even the gloomiest of days.

And life is beautiful...

2nd March, 2010. Aa day I think I will remember forever. My first ever John Mayer concert. And I say that because I have promised myself to go to many many more. Everything about that concert was perfect.

I have come to the conclusion that John Clayton Mayor is epic. I thought he was fantastic earlier but now, epic would be a better word. Sure, the world is not very happy with him right now and true, he has said some pretty horrible and stupid things. Here is my deal though. While it's not an excuse, it's just a thought. Maybe, just maybe, if we stopped asking people stupid questions - they won't give us stupid answers. stop worrying about their love lives, sex lives and all other lives but their professional lives!

He also had some brilliantly funny things to say at the concert - he acknowledged various sign boards that were in the front row. He said he chose to acknowledge them because then people would know he has seen them, loved them, now they wouldn't have to worry about holding them up and they, and people around them could have clear view.
He also spoke about forgiveness and how people constantly want to eventually go to the top - but when they shoot straight to the top, they get side tracked and weird-ed out...and something has to keep them grounded...a PERFECT way to bring in the song 'Gravity'. And that my friends, wasn't just a song that he was playing - it was an experience. 20,000 people swaying and singing along, John with only one of the THE MOST fantastic guitar solo...and the lights and the words. Yes, an experience. That's what that song was.

He played 3 of the 4 songs I would have loved for him to play...
Edge of desire - I cried. I don't know why. Maybe because I love that song. It's hard for people to have a favorite song, but I do, and it's this one. And just hearing it live, with his variations, his phenomenal guitar, the red and white lights...it was all slightly overwhelming.
In your Atmosphere - I really wasn't expecting this one. I don't think I screamed so much in my life. I was the best surprise! I remember trying to learn this one in guitar class. And how hard it was. And how I was on the verge of screaming out loud in class because it was SO HARD. And then there he was. Just him and his acoustic. Playing it like it was the easiest song in this world. And how beautiful it was!
Free falling - EFFIN AYE! I was just telling my sister - how it is just usually him and 2 guitars. And then he plays it. And it sounds even better than I had ever heard it. And I thought it was impossible.

Assassin - was...again, indescribably amazing. I loved the song before, but I really love it now.

There is so much about this concert that I can't describe. His little changes to all the songs, his phenomenal guitar solo's everything. I remember a time when life was shit and i had to keep telling myself that everything was happening for the best. And then I bought the John Mayer tickets and now matter what happened, I told myself, I had one great thing to look forward to. And it was great. And I know I am sounding like an emotional, rambling bowl of fruits - but I will say this, if you have never been to a John Mayer concert, go to one. Even if you don't listen to his music. It really changes your life - or at least the music part of it.

Life is good people. It always is. :)

n. Xx

Saying for the week.

"This world is a battlefield for us. Each one of us has our own battle and we are fighting it every single day. Many times we are frustrated with that battle and most of the time we are confused. There is so much fear and attachment. All kinds of emotions are involved when we are dealing with the real world. Time goes and you look back. You have not done anything, except worry and feeling sorry for yourselves, feel guilty, and it all was wasted. That is the time we do need a true teacher like Krishna." - Talks on the Bhagvad Gita by Pandit Hari Shankar.

Stop feeling sorry, don't look back, no regrets. Walk on people! :)

n. Xx

Change Article Analysis's.

So it has been a long while since I have had to write a paper for a class. Just about 3 years really. And I can safely say that it is going to take me just about 2 hours (including this blog break) to write a two page paper - double spaced! And that's just first draft!

AND, to top it all, I am scared of what the outcome is going to be - like, I don't know if whatever I have written, is what I am supposed to writing. Do I need to use bigger words or is just stating your point as simply as possible good enough? And the fact that I don't really have experience in the education industry and more or less everything I am going to say is going to be an opinion - is that a horribly bad thing that is going to get graded real bad? And paraphrasing and plagiarism - let's not even go there. Let's just say I am going to have sleepless nights till this paper is submitted and I get it back and I have NOT had a horrible grade on it, or a comment that states I should probably go back to 3rd grade OR, a letter stating I should go visit student services for plagiarism!

Is this whole situation sad? I mean, for the love of God, I am 25 years old! I can and should NOT be worrying about a 2 page paper! It should just be something that I should be able to whip up - no problem!

OK. This just seem a little sad to me. Bloody hell!

Life is good...

And it sure has been a while!

I can't explain how grateful I am for each day I wake up. It's like God and life have given me a second chance. Maybe I can live my dream. But before all that wisdomess stuff - I will have to get by the next 2 years.

And boy is it going to be an adventure or what?

Just a brief recap before I go any further. I was in the states a while ago, the job thing didn't work out after graduation so I had to go back home. The move was fine, for a little while, and I loved the people there and I was pulling through! Then the property market hit - and then I lost my job and was one of the MOST miserable mofo's around. Then one day, in a second, just like that, I decided I wanted to back to the states, and go back to school or do something. Just something. Not sit on my ass and do nothing. Go out and live my dreams, and all that wisdomess stuff! So I figured, most schools, deadlines were going to be done in 2 days. (Yes, it took me that long to decide to do this). I had ONE choice as a backup plan - MSU, Mankato. So I applied, for a Leadership program, got accepted, got my visa on a first try (that part I was really worried about), packed my bags, said heartbreaking goodbyes for the second time, sat on the plane and left.

And then I land in Minneapolis, a very nice man helps me get all bags on a big trolley, and I step out of the airport. It was freezing. Luckily I had dressed the part. While I was waiting for my sister, smoking a quick ciggy, and doing my dance that I do to stay warm (yes, I multi-task), I realized something. Sure, I left home, but I was home.

Anyway, I move in with my sister for a couple of days and we bond instantly. It had been a rough ride for us. Thanks to some unfortunate excuses of human beings in our lives, we had drifted apart. And now that all just seemed so old and ages ago. We had both grown up in the time we were apart and that distance and space taught us something. Siblings are always going to be there for each other. No matter what. However, there is no harm in there being a little bit of distance between us. So before I moved to Mankato - we made a wise decision, we were not going to live together. So I signed up to move to a place near campus while she was going to stay where she was in North Mankato.

On the first day back, I got to meet Aaron as well. And what can I say? He is amazing. And its a relief. Its weird not really knowing the man your sister is going to marry. Nobody can understand it unless they are in this position and sometimes I think that is why I came here. So that I wouldn't have to go through this whole issue of not knowing him. And hey, maybe I can convince to teach me how to dance in the process!

After the first week back it was time to move to my own place. And I did! Its an awesome 4 bedroom town house. I have two room mates, Kari and Bri. Both are so incredibly awesome - I can't explain! I was secretly so worried about having to move in with two people I never knew. And now, we laugh at all that. It has been a super experience getting to know them and I really love coming 'home' when I'm done with a long day of school.

And what I have realized through this whole experience is that even if I know it or not, I have grown up. In strange little ways! I am not rushing myself to meet people and make friends. I have learnt that things like that just happen! Also, it was so great re-connecting with the few friends that are left in Minnesota. I also feel so much at peace! I love Thursday nights especially! My weekend starts then. And don't get me wrong, I have a TON to read and papers to write, even over the weekend but, I love just coming home, eating something and then just going up to my room, listening to some light music and reading a book for pleasure!

I thank God a million times over. Let's just hope it stays this way!

And as Mr. Mraz says - hold your own, know your name and go your own way...and everything will be fine.

And now, even though Pandora is making me feel otherwise with its AMAZING playlist, I have to hit the sack! Got tons to read and a paper to finish tomorrow! 'NIght peeps! Xx

Getting older...

Maybe, just maybe, if I don't think about it, it won't happen. The horrible thing that's going to happen this coming Monday.

I'm turning 25.

I am going to be quarter of a century old.

And I don't feel like I have accomplished too much. I mean, quarter of a century is a bloody long time, right? People have made their millions by now. And along with making their millions, they have gotten married and had babies. I definitely don't have my millions and am definitely not married or have any babies!

Maybe I should get a pet...something I won't kill easily!
OR...maybe if I don't think about it, it won't happen!