A dejavu-ic goodbye!

So the night is finally here. I have said all my good-byes. This has been a roller coaster. I need to sleep and sleep is far, far away. This is what I want. I have been so excited about this. But tonight it's different. I realised there is a HUGE difference between this time and last. This time I'm older and things won't be the same when and if I do come back. There are going to be some huge changes. It's also harder because all relationships I have from the past and made here are stronger which makes this process so difficult.

To mom and dad - the best parents anyone could ever ask for. I can not even begin to explain how much I am going to miss you. I am so glad I am so much closer to you and I love you with all my heart! I'm not even in the states yet and I can't wait for you to come visit!
To naeem - my strong voice of reason and calm after every storm. I love you so very much.
To prtiz - my akka when I am away from my akka. For being the only one who didn't break even once and kept telling me this is going to be awesome! Love, love you!
To connel, bharat, love and vismay - for all the mental, fabulous nights. Here is hoping you guys do fan-effin-tabulous in whatever you do! And call me when you'll are around the area! Going to miss you'll and the madness tons!
To ashraf and muna - for just always being there. No matter who comes and goes, you'll are seriously always there!
To naomi - for all the 8 hour conversations, love, care and support. You have helped me pull through SO much without even knowing it! Am going to miss you hun! Xx
And finally to my girls - for all the good times and bad, for all the awesome nights and the not-so-awesome sick sessions after, for the all concerts, trips, dancing, singing, laughing, eating, screaming, listening, movies, drives, pictures...and the list shall go on again. This move is especially hard on us because it has made us realise - everything is changing. So this song dedication is especially for us, and for me - because I know I want this - but I should be allowed some hesitation. I may not like it here but God knows there are some very important people I will be leaving tomorrow!
And as usual, John helps me say what I need to say!

Stop this train

No I'm not color blind
I know the world is black and white
Try to keep an open mind but...
I just can't sleep on this tonight
Stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't
But honestly won't someone stop this train

Don't know how else to say it, don't want to see my parents go
One generation's length away
From fighting life out on my own

Stop this train
I want to get off and go home again
I can't take the speed it's moving in
I know I can't but honestly won't someone stop this train

So scared of getting older
I'm only good at being young
So I play the numbers game to find away to say that life has just begun
Had a talk with my old man
Said help me understand
He said turn 68, you'll renegotiate
Don't stop this train
Don't for a minute change the place you're in
Don't think I couldn't ever understand
I tried my hand
John, honestly we'll never stop this train

See once in a while when it's good
It'll feel like it should
And they're all still around
And you're still safe and sound
And you don't miss a thing
'til you cry when you're driving away in the dark.

Singing stop this train I want to get off and go home again
I can't take this speed it's moving in
I know I can't
Cause now I see I'll never stop this train


And with that I will say - goodbye everybody! Just know, I would never have made it through these years here if it were not for each and everyone of you. Xx

Backstreets Back - Alright!

I always knew I wanted to watch the Backstreet Boys live. And somewhere, deep down inside, I knew I would. I just didn't think that I would in Dubai. But I did watch them in Dubai last night. And they were amazing. I can not explain how happy I am now. So, so happy. I have been a fan since I was 10. And I remember buying the first album on tape - and listening to it over and over again and FINALLY - having to buy a new one because the old one refused to play anymore!As for the concert - it was one of the best I have been to! They were SO entertaining, they sounded SO GOOD, the dancing was good, high-high energy and they really got the crowd going. And they sang all their classics too - and made me feel like I was 14 again...
This really was a SUPER ending to a pretty shit year. If only they knew how happy they made me. And Nick Carter - you really are so beautiful - and I love you (blush).
Backstreet's SO back!

P.S. - I will admit to getting a little cry-y when they were singing ' I want it that way' ...because I knew the concert was ending and I still couldn't believe I just watched them live.

Bliss-ness!

An awesome evening out =
Me. Naeem. My guitar. His I-phone and its voice recorder option. The sidewalk of the parking lot next to home. Awesome Dubai winter breeze. Impromptu jam session. Unreal quality of recorded jam session. Post singing conversation recordings.

Ah! Bliss. Xx

Boy, oh boy!

So I have learnt the hard way - designer bags are addictive. Hard way because, I have one and I want about 2-3 more AT LEAST to stop me from going nuts. And let's not start with the shoe issue! I mean - seriously, why do they make shoes so beautiful? And I know I have gone crazy because I was staring at a pair of purple suede's for like at least 10 minutes. I couldn't afford them - and so I didn't buy them. But who in their right mind just stares at a pair of shoes? And boots - I need two new pairs, one black and on brown, essentials mind you! And wherever I go - I hear them calling my name. It is INSANE. When did I get this materialistic? OK fine, I have always been materialistic, but when did it get this bad? SO bad, that I am actually dreaming about things like shoes and bags! And people thought smoking was an issue! RIGHT! I need help! Xx

Twitter-ness!

So, I am finally twitter-ing. If that is what you would call the process of using twitter.
Verdict so far - still trying to figure out what the point of it is however, I can see how it is addictive.

Anyway, I am now 'following' John Mayer on there. It's nice knowing his random thoughts. It makes me feel like I know him - sort of. And I bet if he is reading thing - he is freaking out a little. Don't worry John, I'm not a crazy stalker. I just think you are fan-effin-tabulous.
And for everyone else reading it - I bet you'll are a little worried that I am going to turn into a crazy stalker - but relax. I won't.

Anyway, here's hoping the future brings about lots of little and big tweets!

Xx

You gotta love bollywood!

When life is difficult or confusing or is kicking me in the butt, I have one motto...
Turn to Bollywood.
You are bound to find some music that will get your mind off all the crap and cheer you up.

Here's an example, that should make you at least smile, if not laugh mentally like i did!
What do you think is playing in the mind of the guy who wrote this - to come up with words like these?

"Murgi kya jaane aandey ka kya hoga,
Arrey life milegi ya tawey pey fry hoga,
Koi na jaane apna future kya hoga...
Honth ghuma, seeti baja, seeti baja ke bol,
Bhaiyaa aal izz well"

Classic!!!
My new favorite Hindi song :)
What can I say? - you gotta love Bollywood! Xx

Who says?

So John Mayer's new song is out. From his album that is out on November 17th.
It is the most cutest and prettiest song - and I know I say this about all his songs.
But anyway, he is singing me to sleep tonight and what can I say? It feels like a good luck charm on this restless night...
Thank you John, and I'll say it again, you rock my world.

"...Who says I can't get stoned
Plan a trip to Japan alone
Doesn't matter if I even go
Who says I can't get stoned..."

Night folks. Xx.

Battle In Seattle.

MUST WATCH!
It has been a while since I watched a movie that has really got me thinking, that emotionally stimulated me and made me laugh, cry, feel angry, feel angry and feel confused all at the same time.
I recommend it! Xx

Happy Diwali and a Happy New Year!

Here's wishing everybody a happy, safe & blingful diwali and an even kick-ass new year! God knows this next year has to be better than the one that just past - so an extra little prayer for that! Xx

Why blog, you say?

"Today, when we blog, about our weight loss problems and our knitting and our opinion on the presidents IQ level, we do it on the blithe assumption that someone gives a shit - even though there is a guy stuck in Baghdad that blogs, and a Washington DC staff assistant who gets paid by republican appointees for sex who blogs, and our own jottings must be dreadfully dull in comparison. Nowadays anyone with a crap laptop and Internet can sound their barbaric yawp, whatever it maybe. But the surprise is that for every person who's got something to say, it seems there are at least a few people who are interested. Some of them aren't even related." - Julie Powell, Julie & Julia.

Random conversations #2 : That's what friends are REALLY for.

Friday afternoon. Me and Nadia are online. Looking through blogs and facebook and telling each other if we see anything interesting. We are doing this because we already had a discussion about what we are getting Nancy for her birthday - and it is going to be awesome! Anyway - this was the conversation. And just so you know, names and status content has been modified, because you never know who reads your blog:

Nadia says:
oh you should go see Bonny's status on fabebook.
'I so want to do something that others think silly.. that sum think of as DIRTY.... something that makes me happy and lets my soul arrange itself again....'
i like how DIRTY is in caps
hahahha
n. says:
oh For the love of all that's HOLY!
Nadia, babe, promise me, because you love me, that if i EVER say anything like that in my life - you will slap me - right across my face - till i snap out of it!
Nadia says:
i will slap you on both cheeks

Now that's what friends are for right?
To slap you when you are being stupid and weird and to laugh at you when you fall before they come running to help you!

And having said that, I will admit to one thing - Nadia and I, we love being judgemental bitches on lazy Friday afternoons. Maybe that's why we are social outcasts together - Karma. (another story, and a long one). And I didn't really change that status a whole lot.
Here is hoping she doesn't read blogs!

Ta. Xx

A 'so not Dubai' Thursday.

Dubai Thursday's have been pretty standard since I moved out here in 2007. It's been just about two and a half years now, and Thursday's are pretty much the same routine -

Wait till it's ten. Do hair. Do make up. Dress up, and I mean DRESS UP. Put on heels. Take a cab to fancy pretentious club. Pay cab driver ridiculous amounts of money for 15-20 minute ride. Drink. Drink. Dance. Dance. Shot. Shot. Dance. Drink. Be drunk. Leave pretentious club. Talk as loud as humanly possible. Go to KFC/Moulin Dior/Reef. Eat extremely unhealthy food at 3:30 AM. Keep talking as loud as humanly possible. Either watch someone throw up or take care of someone throwing up (this has NOT happened to me so far - thank God, but has happened to some of the girls quite a few times). Swear never to drink again. Stumble home. Go to bed. The end.

Fulfilling eh? Yea, *eye roll* - my thoughts exactly.
After the first 300 times, it gets old. And loud. And boring.
Don't get me wrong, there are fun nights but you can't help but feel like the process is getting redundant.
Once or twice a month, fine. Every weekend, sometimes twice a weekend, No.

However, today was a different day. It started at 5 instead of 10!


I took the train - yes, the ever popular Dubai metro. It is pretty awesome and will be even better once they figure out the feeder buses and all the stations are up and running. It felt good! Just had my i-pod on and was reading 'Julia & Julie' all the way. Didn't have to worry about crazy drivers or parking or anything. And yes, this picture is of the real station. (Kakes, in case you are wondering).


Then met Nancy at media city (a bar called Icon) and some of her friends from work were still working though they were not at the office. While they were working, I enjoyed a drink and silence. I didn't have to make small talk or anything as they were all so busy, and it was nice. Because these days, I am NOT in the mood for small talk.

After Icon, Nance and I stopped by a place called 'Shelter'.
Shelter is a place Nancy found through work. It is in the industrial area of Dubai. It is essentially a warehouse turned into a coffee shop with heaps and heaps of magazines you can just pick up and read. It is one of the very few places that has any sort of creative or cultural activity. They have small sized shows and events now and then. We went to watch Nitin Mirani - a local stand up comedian and one of my sisters friends and a Arab-American Hip Hop artist. Both were so, so good.

Got home by 10:30 PM, made a playlist, and am enjoying some pretty kick-ass music and relaxing. This has been one of the very few non-Dubai Thursdays and I'm loving it! I wish I had a few friends to jam with to end the night, but oh well! Here is a start to trying different things. (My playlist for the night: And then you; Bulletproof Weeks; Forever; Say it to me now; This woman's worth; Never Think; Closer; Dreaming with a broken heart; If it kills me)

Good night people - have a good weekend. Xx

As John says - 'it's the brightest thing I've got'

I don't know if I mentioned this earlier but I am playing the guitar again.
Going to class and everything.
I have joined classes at my old music school - Dubai Music School and being taught by Miles Perry (who taught me earlier, when I was 10) who is amazing - I mean, the man can play ANYTHING!

Anyway, how did this come about? Well mainly because of this man and how flippin' amazing he is:

His music is AMAZING. Amazing tunes, amazing voice and amazing lyrics.
These days, a lot of my 'songs for the moment' have been his songs. And I have been wanting his 'Any given Thursday' album SO BAD, to have in my car, if ever I am stuck in traffic, to calm me down. Well, mainly because of the song 'Covered in rain' - I mean c'mon, which other nine minute song can kick THAT much ass huh? And that guitar solo *drool*, and his voice - did I mention his voice already? Anyway, so I went to Virgin Mega store at MOE and City Center and both said more or less at all Virgin stores in Dubai, all John Mayer Cd's are sold out - ALL OVER THE UAE! SOLD OUT!
But then the other day, on the way to the gym, I was slacking and stopped by the music store there, and guess what? There was ONE copy left there! AH-HA! - and its now mine, and safely tucked in my car CD player. I even laughed out loud, a smug laugh, so everyone in the store would know I got that last copy. Nobody in that store seemed to care, but I sure did!

Anyway, my point being, other than the fact that John Mayer completely rocks my world, is that I have started playing again. And I can hear improvement and how I am getting better. I just need to keep practicing. I am at about an hour a day these days. Total de-srtesselizer!

And oh! I am going to have a random guitar thought on this blog, whenever I think of something random or something strikes a chord! (Get it? Strikes a chord? I came up with that all by myself! What can I say, creativity is flowing).

Later Xx.

Bye bye Mr. Stupid !

So - my brain is like a town that is constantly hit by a tornado.
I have named this tornado - Mr. Stupid.
The minute that town thinks the storm is over and foundations are made, Mr. Stupid shows up again, making it SO difficult to make any decisions what so ever.

So yesterday afternoon, I looked in the mirror - at my forehead and had a chat with that tornado that is hell bent on ruining my life.
I said 'hey! Mr. Stupid! FUCK YOU! I AM going to make decisions! Big decisions! Yea, and not only decisions, I am going to give myself OPTIONS! And feasible, happenable options. HA!'

In response that tornado said 'Yea right! And...fuck you back!'.

Anyway - I ignored Mr. Stupid. Well for the sole reason that he is stupid.
And I made decisions.
And I am acting on them.
Starting today - because its prep day.
Tomorrow is the 1st of October. The outcome of all this decision making shall be reviewed again - on December 1st. Exactly 2 months.
And then what happens? - You are going to have to wait to find out depending on how I have done!

Decision #1
This is an old one.
So old and used and blah that I can imagine the amount of eye rolls this one will earn.
Weight loss. *eye roll*
Now, I know I have said this before. But this time I am going to do it. Because Mr. Stupid is NOT going to mess with me and make me change my mind. I am re-starting the whole regime I was on 2 years ago when I lost all that weight. I'm off carbs will the 1st of December. I will keep blogging the progress of that week after week.
Just because, you know...you would like to have a laugh!

Decision #2
This is SORT of linked to the 1st decision. Now that I have said no carbs, its NOT REALLY no carbs. Because as much as I want to say I don't want to drink at all, that would be a lie! A big fat stupid one. A slightly more stupid one that Mr. Stupid! And since I have been told this over and over by different people, there is going to be ONE standard drink that I drink - lowest on carbs and calories apparently...Vodka-soda-limes (yuck) and no more beer (SOB!).

Decision #3
This pitiful being jobless situation. I am SO SICK of people telling me 'look at the world, this is a global thing, its not only you, change your field, you can do SO MANY THINGS while you don't have a job, look to the stars and the effin silver linings...'. You get the gist right? So again, I have given myself -till November to get a job. Once that doesn't happen, the back up plan kicks in. What is the back up plan? - Well that I'm not a 100% sure of yet, but I'll let you know once it is figured out.

Decision #4
Do what I want to do - when I want to do it. If there is something I want to be, then that is what I will be. If there is some music I want to listen to - I will listen to it. If there is something I want to wear, I will wear it and if there is some place I want to go - I will go. Nobody is going to change my mind.

Decision #5
No matter WHAT happens, what other life altering decisions I make, I am going to plan the WHOLE month of December around one thing - the Backstreet Boys concert. Yes people, they are playing in Dubai in December.
Now for all of you who are all on about 'Oh for the love of all that's holy' and all that, its about time you admitted to yourself - they are awesome.
Also, I have been waiting to go to a concert of theirs since I was 10 years old. They are coming here and there is noway I am going to miss it!

So there - I feel...pretty OK, which is awesome improvement from, the 'pretty shit' level I was at earlier. Not only have I made 5 decisions, I might also get to see the backstreet boys live (given they don't cancel) and Mr. Stupid has been fired!

Tada!

Xx

here comes the bride...

So. I know I have not had anything to say in a long time. That is maybe because I have too much stuff in my brain. All un-sorted!

But anyway - this is definately worth the break of silence or whatever it is you call it.

My sister and her boo (the oh-so amazing aaron brownlee) are engaged to be married!
And I am in full prep to becoming the best saali anyone could ask for! :)

Heres to the two of them...God bless Xx.

Love aaj kal.

So I am going through another difficult point in my life. So what else is new huh? Growing up I tell you - I'm not a fan!

Anyway, so I thought - I haven't seen a proper bollywood movie in so long and a nice chick flick type love story would be nice. And bollywood, more or less always, cheers me up. So we went to watch the movie.

I was just about 3 seconds from slitting my wrists at the end of it.
As in?
Well, as in, if the movie was even 3 seconds longer, I would have slit my wrists.
Yes, I really did think it was that bad.

I mean, I even read the review on indiafm before I went, which went on to say that 'LOVE AAJ KAL makes you fall in love with love all over again. Makes you value your loved ones all the more.' Yes, that last bit I did agree with. Because I was going to die watching that movie - and if that was the case - I would not have the chance to tell my loved ones that I loved them!

What was wrong? - Well the story of the present day love story was the most insane! And Saif Ali Khan should just NOT dance. And Deepika Padukone (or whatever her name is) can't act and should give it up. And the list goes on.

Initially, I thought I was the only one who had something that horrible to say about the movie but, the faces of all the people leaving the theatre yesterday said it all. I think they were all very angry and wanted their money back.

So yes, please don't watch it loved ones! And if you do want to, wait till it comes out on DVD and watch it on a day where you have NOTHING else to do. Like NOTHING.

Ta. Xx.

Missing Mankato.

I miss...

Kakes's big hugs and sloppy kisses. Doha's laugh and high pitched girl scream. Waqas's guitar. Ambers gazillion pictures. Korrie's straight face when she would say we were twins. Pari's 'yea, I don't think so' looks. T's sensible responses to everything. Sachin's undrinkably hot coffee or tea or whatever - what is with that? Khumar's 'kareeeeeshma'. Maria's omg's and nasty's. Umair's dancing. Ali's high notes. Sarmad's "bc's". Jen and Liz'z red wine pasta. And so much more.

I could go on and on by saying, remember that time?...
but it would take too long.
Everyone I mentioned, some of you I was close to and some not really. Some I talk to and some - well I don't even know where they are.
But I just want to say that I am so happy I know you because you did bring nothing but happy memories.
And whenever I look back at my 5 years in Minnesota, you are who I think of.
Thank you for the best, worst and most craziest 5 years of my life.
In strange and different ways, I love you all.
Xx.

Michael Jackson - R.I.P

I can't beleive it. But everyone seems to assure me that it's true.

So all I want to say is -

Michael Jackson, you were and will always remain a legend. Thank you for all the memories.

Xx.

When life gives you lemons...

"When life gives you lemons, make grape juice.
Then sit back and watch the world try to figure out how you did it."

finally - a sensible answer!

So. A friend of mine and I were just talking, over facebook, about how many people we know are getting married or engaged or something, in this year to come. Well congratulations to them!

But it sucks for us. You know, the remainder of us. Us who are not even close to think that we might want to get engaged - let alone married.

Because living in the Indian society when you are a 24 year or older girl and not married - there can only be three explanations -
1) There is something wrong with you. This could mean appearance.
2) There is something wrong with you. Which basically means you are a lesbian.
3) There is something wrong with your history, hence no respectable Indian family would want their respectable son to marry you.

And I am sorry but screw that! I don't buy all of that. You don't need to get married just to prove all of the above wrong. Take your time. Build your career. Live your life and then marry because you want to. Because they are your best friend and you are ready for that next great adventure. Not because you are worried about what people will say about your family.

Now, strangely enough, quite a few modern day Indian kids feel the way I do. But they are still getting married left right and center. And that was when I sort of ran out of theories. And then the friend I was talking to, came up with a brilliant one. I really believe this.

Conclusive theory:
It's global warming. People are trying to pair up before the polar ice caps melt and we all drown.

Xx.

I saw the sign!

"The world bursts at the seams with people ready to tell you you're not good enough. On occasion, some may be correct. But do not do their work for them. Seek any job, ask anyone out; pursue any goal. Don't take it personally when they say "no" - they may not be smart enough to say "yes"." - Olbermann

Suche told me he found this on a Starbucks cup. a Starbucks cup!
And it's unbelievable that he told me he saw this just when I made some decisions.
Which means it is a sign.A good sign.

A sign telling me - 'you go girlfriend!'.
A sign telling me I need to be be bold in my decision making.
A sign telling me everybody has one life to make the most of. Well, at least, one life that you remember.

And I really think that these curve balls are thrown at you because the big guy up there is trying very hard to tell us something. Maybe He is trying to say that what we MAY think to be good for us, is not really all that. I have been told over and over again, that though I may think I am a HR person, maybe I am not in ways. Maybe God wants me to use all my 'creative' abilities.

So last night, through another sleepless night (these are starting to become a pain because I LOVE my sleep) - I decided that maybe I will be creative.And I will be bold. and I will switch fields and I will do well. And more than anything, I think I will be happy about it!

And I also figured, I know I got a degree and spent all the time and money and effort...well, OK, since we are being honest, time and money towards a degree but I can safely say, university changed my life. So,instead of taking ONLY lessons from a classroom into consideration, I paid for some life experiences that i would have never got, had i not gone to school at all! And those experiences play a huge part in helping, when you are taking on life.

Who would have thunk! A Starbucks cup did all of that!
I guess it is safe to say, little things can make a huge difference, si?

Ta. Xx.

New Moon.

So I am sure, everyone who read the last post must know I am going through a real hard time.
And I obviously have difficulty figuring shit out.
And my manners these days, lets just say I don't have any.
And neither am I very tolerant.
Put all that together and I am in a pretty rotten mood.

But this morning, I was up at 7 and thought I would check my mail over coffee. And obviously, nobody emailed me that early in the morning but MSN showed me something that just made my day and made me so much happier - it told me that the New Moon preview was out.
And I am SO HAPPY. Its a way of showing you that no matter how shitting things are, nice things keep happening.
Like Robert Pattinson - he happened to mankind right?

Anyway, I know alot of people are thinking 'what a looser, no wonder she has issues'.
But hell - it made my day.
So I am happy.
And I cant wait for November 20th.

Later peeps! Xx.

Stupid sayings.

You know how when shit hits the roof, everyone (everyone being the people who are NOT in your position and have absolutely NO fucking idea as to what is going through your brain) start saying these things to you.

Like - 'hey! shit is so bad now - it cant get any worse'
or - 'you'll be ok. i guarantee it'
or - 'this is good thing. it seriously only is what you make it to be'
or - 'things are this bad now because something better is on the way. something that you just cant see right now'
and the worst -
every cloud has a silver lining. what in the falangey is that supposed to even mean?

well - here is how it is. all clouds DO NOT have silver linings. things CAN get worse. and if not worse - they can stay bad for a frustratingly long time. and if something better were to happen - why the effin hell hasn't it happened already and when exactly does is plan to 'happen'?
answer that smart asses!

ok. now. INHALE. EXHALE.

i needed to vent. venting is good. i think everybody should try it.

right. well. i'm off.

later. Xx.

Great heights!

Wall climbing hurts. Muscles you didn't know existed or that you forgot about come to life and there is then a conspiracy between all these muscles to hurt you. /

How would I know?
Because I went wall climbing. 'The wall' they call it. And an effin wall it is!

Anyway, how did I do? Yea, not so hot!
There was this little, adorable, french child, who came up to my knee, who went way higher than I did - 3 to 4 times! I tried twice and decided I was done for the month! But then again, he definitely did not have upper body - lower body issues like I do!

But then again not too many people do. Issues meaning, a lot of people that meet me, wonder how I manage to get up and walk. They may not say it but I know what they are thinking. This is because my legs are WAY too skinny to carry my upper body weight and no, that is NOT an exaggeration.
But anyway, I do not want to walk down that road.
Point being - it is fun. And everyone should do it once in a while.

This is about as extreme to extreme sports as I will ever get. How sad is that?

Later. Xx

Bored.

There are only so many things you can do when you are bored. Bored all the time. ALL.

You can read books. Like all the books you have. And those 'read agains' like Harry Potter and the Twilight series, you can read them all again. And again.
Or you can watch movies. Thank God for the dvd lady huh? Cheap 10 buck dvd's. I mean its good to have a collection of fun, watch again dvd's right? For when life starts to finally figure itself out, it's great to sit down and weekends and watch them. But try 3 movies a day.
And then there is the paper. Only news these days - well, lets just say its depressing news, and doesn't quite help with the mood.
Then there is the gym. But there is only an hour a day I can do.
And then there is the blog. But the brain is very slow and there are no smart ideas that are brewing.

Then you have people telling you to do this and that, but in all honesty, I-AM-GOING-INSANE.

Whoever is reading this, wherever in this world you may be, please pray life figures itself out. Because this is getting old.

no such thing.

"I want to run through the halls of my high school
I want to scream at the top of my lungs
I just found out there's no such thing as the real world
Just a lie you've got to rise above"

Xx.

random conversations #1

scene: nancy, nadia and i are sitting in the food court at lamcy plaza. we decided to meet there because nance just got back from a super trip (and it was super). she went to goa for a wedding. anyway, we are talking about weddings, and unfortunate arranged marriage situations, yada yada - when i just turned to ask her how the arranged marriage thing was going at her home, as her parents have sort of started putting the pressure. it sort of went like this -

nams: so hows it going with the marriage thing at home?
nancy: hmm...ok
nams: any good prospects?
nancy: (looking into the distance) no. i want chicken nuggets. and oh - i met vishal while i was in mumbai.
nams: *expression of utter confusion*
nadia: (1-2-3-nadia laugh)

it was funny at the time.
but based on the above conversation, i now pass the crown of randomness to you nance.Xx.

absolute nothings.

downside - it sucks that the first time i actually spoke with the boo's family, it was under such horribly stressful circumstances. upside - it now provides as an ice breaker. when i actually have to meet with them or speak with them again, it will be SO easy to start a conversation. downside - its weird with me sometimes - i love a song SO MUCH. as in the tune and the music. but i hate the singer and the style it has been sung in. upside - i can pray that somebody will make a decent cover of the song. if it becomes popular enough. upside - my mom bought me new clothes from Bangkok. downside - some of them don't fit me because i have gotten so fat. upside - i have ANOTHER reason to loose weight. (because the first 63 reasons were obviously not reason enough!) downside - certain friends parents are pushing them for marriage. you know, the arranged sort. upside - another reason to loose weight. shopping for fun 'shaadi type' indian clothing and dancing for the weddings. downside - no work. upside - umm. i still have to figure this one. upside - i got new shoes from bangkok too. well one pair of flats and some flip flops. downside - NONE. i'm sorry - there never is a downside to new shoes. downside - i think i am loosing my memory a little which sucks because among us girls, i am the one who always remembers everything! so i have been trying and trying and i can't remember when su-che and i became such close friends. upside - i'm glad that we did because he is one person there needs to be nothing to talk about but we still can. downside - i can't help but feel down these days. demotivated. like i am doing absolutely nothing with my life. upside - the Siva Purana. Xx.

when you think you have seen everything...

'They' come up with something like this!
(i just heard about this. Well, i read about it on facebook)


bling H2O
"a water for the super-luxury consumer market and is produced in limited quantities. The beautiful handmade bottle is decorated with real Swarovski Crystals..."

Right. Well. You have GOT to be f*****g kidding me.

However, i will say this, i would like one bottle - just for fun! how much do you think one costs?

yeh hai mumbai meri jaan!

i needed to get out of dubai for a little bit. to miss it. to appreciate it. to not hate is so much. a little breath of fresh air - well in this case, not fresh but new. to get away from the streets and the people and the decision making!
so i took a little 'on the spur of the moment' trip. to mumbai. after 10 long years, i went.
it was an awesome trip!

all the way on the flight, i was a little iffy, weird butterflies in my tummy. not the looking at your high school crush at lunch time type of butterflies, but a different type. i cant explain them. i think it was just because i got so much advice, from so many people before going - i didn't know what to expect. you know, the usual - 'don't forget your sanitizer' and 'roadside ka khaana math khana' (translation - don't eat food that is sold on the street side). don't drink water at anybodys house because you don't know if it is bottled or not, don't touch ANYTHING, don't give money to even ONE beggar - you give one and you give all, don't look into the eyes of chakkas, and the list goes on and on.
when you hear all of that, you don't really know what to expect.

so i expected the worst. but i found i really enjoyed it.

i thought people would stare if you , but i found that i wound up staring. people there dared to dress similar to each other and and dared to be different. they talk loud and not care. bindaas! -that's the word. and more than anything else - its a city. and like all big cities, people live for themselves. and that is so important. to try and do that. do things you want to do and flick a finger at the world. and its fast. very fast. time flies there.


i mean, don't get me wrong, it is a mad, mad city. there is pollution, it was bloody hot and not everywhere is air conditioned, the autos are made and the drivers are functioned to try and kill you, there are no such thing as traffic rules, the slums and poverty are a horrible reality straing you in the face and the noise! oh Lord the noise! its all mad! but its OK that its mad because - yeh hai mumbai meri jaan! anything goes here!


it also makes you realize how much i have. what so many people don't. living in a city like dubai you cant help but focus on what you don't. and that pulls you down a lot. so it was nice to look at it from there other side. i went to puna to check out these houses that were being built. they were still under construction. and the construction workers had their 'homes' behind the construction site and they lived there with their families. you could tell by appearance that these kids had close nothing. but they where running around a half built home playing house. there was a dad and a mom and a baby - the standard roles that all kids have when they play house. all the rules i had when i was a kid. only these kids had torn clothes, no shoes but a whole bunch of dreams - to own a home like that one day. and it made me realise, that though i hope and pray that they do own a home like that one day, there is an unfortunate probability that they may never. but i can. and that just makes you thank you stars!
also, it got me thinking as to how we go into work - and we hate our jobs! what we don't stop to think about is that some kids sell balloons on the street for a living. everyday. they sit on the street side, blow ballons and sell them. they come up to your car when it stops at a light, they knock at your window and see if you want to buy one. most of the time people look away. they wont even look at these kids, just look away.
looking at all this makes you just bow your head down and pray. pray for these kids and pray for forgiveness for ever whining.

also, i got to bond with some family that i haven't had the chance to. my cousin brother and his family. got close to my 16 year old niece. it was nice to hang out with her. though it did sort of make me wish i was in high school again, and not so grown up, with all these effin grown up responsibilities!

anyway, after all that insight being thrown at me, i have come home (and was happy to come back) refreshed! i know what i want now. i still have to figure out of a lot of stuff here and there, but i will. i know i will and i know everything will sort out - kyun ki, picture abhi baki hai mere dost! cheesy, i know. but i cant help it! i'm speaking fluent hinglish. but to sum it all up - i loved the trip. would i live there? probably not!
hey! don't judge me! i am a NRI brat and i cant help it!
but i am sure glad i made that trip. and i know i want to go back soon and maybe next time, see more of india. mera bharat mahan - remember?

leaving on another jet plane.

So I am going on another trip.
Totally unplanned.

I'm excited. It's been a long while.

I need to get out of this place for a while so the timing is perfect.

I'll tell you more about this when I'm back.
See you in a week.

Lost.

I have had a headache the whole day. It just wont go away. And i am not the 'just take a pill' type of person. And on top of the headache, I am a little annoyed.
But anyway - this song is helping heaps. It is the only thing that is helping get rid of this annoying, constant banging in my head.
So i think i am going to listen to it over and over on my ipod, eat my felafel dinner and hit the sack.
(p.s. - kakes, listen to this song. it is the prettiest song ever)

Lost
If roses are meant to be red
And violets to be blue
Why isn't my heart meant for you

My hands longing to touch you
But I can barely breathe
Starry eyes that make me melt
Right in front of me

Lost in this world
I even get lost in this song
And when the lights go down
That is where I'll be found

This music's irresistible
Your voice makes my skin crawl
Innocent and pure I guess you heard it all before

Mister Inaccessible
Will this ever change
One thing that remains the same
You're still a picture in a frame

Lost in this world
I even get lost in this song
And when the lights go down
That is where I'll be found

*hmmmmm*

what would i not give to walk down warren st. over to chipotle and have a burrito and a corona.


(i know i can get corona here but alot of my friends decided to give stuff up for lent - and i decided to give up beer. i know - what the f*^k was i thinking!)

a gazzillion laughs and quite a few drinks later...

I have come to the conclusion that sometimes you need people in your life that you can sit and laugh with. About anything. About people, funny college stories and maybe even yourself. These need not be life long friends that you sit and speak to for hours together and have heart to hearts to confess all your ambitions and fears. They just need to be people you can hang out with, have fun, and not care.
I made quite a few at work.
One of them being - Alastair (aka Allibean)

Alli to me is just someone I can go have a gazillion drinks with and be mental and not be judged because he doesn't judge. He doesn't care what people think and he says it straight out - he can be a very mean person.
I had a few friends meet him and they didn't quite get him. They thought he was obnoxiously rude. I however, love him to bits. I could be crying about something one minute and he will come along and give me a sensible talk to get me to stop because he doesn't believe in crying and then just make me laugh till my tummy hurts. In crazy Dubai, you need people like this. Real people. Anyway, he is moving back to the UK on Tuesday. To say I am sad would be an absolute understatement.
Allibean, if you are reading any of this - don't take it to your head.I don't mean any of this.
I just want to fill blog space. And I know you told Nicole and I not to, but after a couple of drinks, I will cry on Sunday night at your leaving drinks thing.
So there it is. It sucks when people leave. But what can you say? I left some awesome people in the states and I felt terrible about it. Cried a little. But when it came down to it, I figured that sometimes, actually most of the times, there is nothing you can do. So we need to thank God you met them to begin with, and then laugh at everything crazy you have done together.

Thank you bean for the funnest Chi trip ever. And yes, it was a total fun time yesterday evening bar the brief moments of drama. I will really miss having someone being that ridiculously mean to me all the time. Even when I'm nice.

laugh-a-lot.

so i have been a little blue lately.
just stuff going on.
and i have also been super bored which makes me feel bluer (if that's a word).
and to solve the problem, boo decided he should find a quick, easy way to make me laugh and make me not so bored and so on and so forth.
so the darling of a boo bought me Dostana.
and before i say anything else - no, i had not seen it before...i know, i know. everything you are saying, i know.


but anyway, stayed up watching it last night and couldn't stop laughing.
and i think it is one i can watch over and over again hence, good movie to own! and it sorta motivated me to loose weight again because piggy chops looked nothing short of a Goddess. and which girl would NOT want to look like that huh?
but anyway, laughing does help and takes your worries of everything.
for everyone who has not seen the movie - and i bet there isn't a living person who likes bollywood who hasn't - watch it. and please don't think too much. it is just one of those awesome, colorful, bollywood movies where the best part about the movie is, you really do not have to think. :)

another visitor...

I got to spend a whole day with T. A whole day = 13 hours.
We went over to the Madinat, had some coffee and food at dome. Then walked about, spoke about home decoration and the whole world.
Then we went over to the Park Hayat for a drink. And God knows how pretty it is out there. Anyway, we spoke again about home decoration and the whole world.
After which - we went to watch Luck by Chance. It was a good movie but just really slow.
And after having Andy scream at 4 Filipino movie attendants by accident, we dropped her off to Sharjah and got home.
At the end of it all, I'm home sick again. As in Minnesota home sick.
But anyway, its great to keep having visitors from there. Reminds me that I do want to go back some day.

what now?

so i have come to a point of 'good riddance to bad rubbish'.
but now that all the motivational speeches are over - what now?
there is a clear crossroad i have come up to yet again. where do i go from here? what is going to be better for me? yet another bloody crossroad.
and my conclusion based on this situation is that in the grown up world - that's all that there are. crossroads.

resolutions...finally...

so we thought that it had been a long while since just us four girls went out and did something and enjoyed some girl time. so we decided we would go watch bride wars - which was funny enough but the ending was super cheesy, and drink some coffee. there we were, drinking our lattes, mocha's and cappuccinos when i decided that all of us needed to make resolutions this year. and monitor our progress. and that's when we made new year resolutions. 2 each. given that we had not planned to make any they might not seem like all that but oh well...

Nadia Michael

Special trait: her laugh. you can spot her from a mile.
Resolutions: 1- Absolutely no smoking. not even a drag. (bless you!) 2- going to try and find someone she can actually settle down with. no more fooling around. (you go girl!)




Nancy D'Souza

Special trait: its a trick to figure out if she is actually interested in what you are talking about due to the 'lack of interest expression'. it takes years to figure it out!
Resolutions: 1- get one more tattoo. (ouch!) 2- get scuba certified. (awesome one!)

Disha Jani

Special trait: if looks could kill...and i mean this both ways. she is stunning and she can give you 'the look'.
Resolutions: 1- loose weight (she doesn't need to but OH WELL) 2- start reading. (because we keep buying her books -NICE ONES! and she doesn't get through them!!)



Namrata Kamath

Special trait: she can talk. i can talk. about ANYTHING.
Resolutions: 1- loose weight (only i really need to) 2- stop crying about it and sort out my career. (time is passing way too fast. i need to figure it out!)

so there you have it. let's see how we do - wish us luck! :)

doom and gloom.

"He found that there was nothing so awful as being in the service of a family you couldn't be proud of, that let you down, showed you up, and made you into a fool." - the inheritance of loss, kiran desai.

ages ago, somewhere at sometime, somebody told me that there is nothing worse than working at a job you don't enjoy. this is when i was younger and i didn't have any ambition or goals. i would wonder why people who leave their jobs and sit at home with no pay and live off their savings for months together. it drove me insane. and then i finally came to the conclusion that they were insane.
but now that opinion has changed. because now i understand it.

when i landed in dubai a year and a half ago, i decided where i wanted to be career wise, how much i wanted to earn and how i was going to get there. everything was going according to plan until about 2 months ago. i loved me job. up until two months ago, i loved my job.
these days, i hate my job. hate is a strong word but i assure you it is aptly used here.
management has changed, goals have changed, and the morale of the team has definitely changed. it is just about depressive going up to my desk and switching on my computer.
and the fact that i am so upset about work, makes me a right ass to be around most of the time.
i understand now, there is nothing worse than working at a job you don't enjoy.

it gets even worse when you have to stick it out due to commitments. it gets even worse when you leave work feeling useless and know that work wise you have not even tapped into 10% potential. it gets even worse when you are more or less threatened with redundancy. it gets even worse when that threat comes in a very nice, sugar coating, 'i am saying this because i care about you' way. basically gets even worse.

i am trying to look at the positive side. i know from everything i have said earlier, you are thinking - 'yea right', but i have come up with a few things that are positive-ish.
i now know what the difference is between a good manager, a bad manager and an excellent manager. i now have learnt the importance of open communication within an organization and within a team. i now know for a fact, that the more you try and show your team who's boss, the less faith they have in you. however, if you just be the boss, guide them, teach them, put your ass on the line for them, communicate and most importantly have a transparent work environment, then you are a more effective boss. a boss that is missed gone. a boss that can make his or her team touch the flippin moon. i have also learnt that you can never buy into the gloss that a recruitment executive puts forth to you to join a company. take this last bit of advice from one. if you are any good at recruiting, you are bloody good at making a normal job the dream job.

anyway, 5 para's later, what exactly is the conclusion of this rant of a blog entry?
well...
that if work sucks, you are a miserable mo-fo and that if you are a hypocritical, credit taking, order shouting s.o.a.b who cannot tell their ass from their shoulder, you shouldn't be in-charge.

ok now - INHALE and EXHALE.

and another year old...

which makes me 24. whopdi freakin doo!

anyway. this birthday, it has NOT felt like a birthday at all. which sucks.

and personally, i think i am to blame. i think i might want to just sit out this one and not do anything.

anyway, hopefully next year, it shall be a happier post.

later cats!

when God closes one door...

he opens another. and another. and another.

i know a lot of people don't believe that God does this. i also know that a lot of people don't believe in God - but then again, that is a totally different story!

but you see it happen. all the time.

best example is with people. when your family decides they want to be weird, God sends in awesome friends to help you through anything. out of those, when a few friends decide they hate you, God sends in a new and much stronger platoon. well, at least this is how it has worked for tons of people i know and maybe even myself.

so as the above has happened, here is hoping it happens for every little aspect of life. all of it. for everyone.

well, everyone-ish.
there are some people in this world, i really just don't care about.
yes. it is a horrible thing to say. bite me!

realization.

a new year. and with each year that passes you realize that you should be getting older and wiser.

i have realized that i am now old enough to make the decision about the relationship i want to have with different people. i also realize that everything can not be perfect - if it were, it wouldn't be life. i realize that sometimes we are selfish and we look at things from only our point of view - if it is something that makes us sad, we cry and if it is something that is happy we laugh. i realize that we do not really look to see if we are hurting the person in front of us by laughing or crying at that point. i realize that we shouldn't always care - sometimes maybe but not always. i realize that just setting a goal is easy but working on it is a pain in the butt. i realize that someone who could mean the whole world to you - could be nothing but an asshole to someone else and vice versa. i realize that saving money is so important it is unbelievable. having said that, i realize that the most difficult thing to do in this world is save money. i realize that people who say 'love your body the way it is and embrace your curves' are usually very skinny famous people who have the best food, fitness trainers and medical facilities to themselves. i realize that loosing weight should be something that makes you happy and will actually make you feel better about yourself - you do not need to do it for anybody else.

i realize now that i do not want the page three lifestyle that everybody assumed and pictured me living once i am married. i realize that i was the one who lead them to believe that because i believed it myself. i realize that everything you are is driven by your religious and cultural beliefs. i have realized that those people who try to give you lectures about living a content life and about how hard work will pay off and it is easy to sit and make random decisions about your life act upon them without thinking them through properly are usually those who have heavy bank accounts and have not had to work for anything in thier life. i have realized that i actaully pity those who have grown up too fast.



realization. once you know what you actually know, you can make your resolutions as to what you would like to change. having said that i bet my resolutions will have nothing to do with what i have realized.

happy 2009 people.